I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize