This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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