my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
