I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
