We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
