just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
