I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
