You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
