what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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