Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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