Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
