So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This baby is an asshole
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
