So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
