And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
