call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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