sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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