We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
