You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
