Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
