I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
