why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize