Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
