Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
