wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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