Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
