Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
