I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
