Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize