elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would fuck him just for his dog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
