Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
