Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
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took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
