I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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