Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
