can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
