I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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