sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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