Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
