I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
