all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
