I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
