So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
