woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
