Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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