I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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