Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
