I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize