is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
