Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
