Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can Purell be used as lube?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
