I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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