Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
