I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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