so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize