GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize