What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
