I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
