wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
