i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
