i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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