...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
