We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
