I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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