So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
