So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
