Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
