Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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