I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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