so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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