your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
