im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
