hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize