Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
