My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
